I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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