you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
