I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
