just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
