About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
