# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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