if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
