Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
