So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dick very happy bro
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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