You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
