did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
