my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Randomize
