i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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