the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
