Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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