yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
