hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
