Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
