Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
