Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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