One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Found the puke drawer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
