Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
