You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
