Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
