Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
