Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
