My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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