I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
