Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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