I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize