i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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