Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
