the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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