got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
