i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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