Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
