haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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