Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
