i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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