Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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