Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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