Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
