So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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