office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
