Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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