There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What a dumb baby whore.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
