So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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