You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
