I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
