I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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