Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
