there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he thought i was a dude.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
