having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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