Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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