First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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