Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
