I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to cum in my sink.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
