awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
