end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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