wrigley field is MILF paradise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
