i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize